Last night as I drifted off to sleep , I had a dream, nay, a vision if you will, of where to next. And what, pray tell, could have been so overwhelming that I am devoting today’s blog post to this nighttime reverie? Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg came to me in a gloriously unanticipated vision to inspire this little old blog of sparkle and sass. Yes, THAT Ruth Bader Ginsburg; the Justin Timberlake of the United States Supreme Court Justices, if you will. And let’s be real here; when The Notorious RBG comes to you in a dream, you listen!

AP Photo by Ron Edmonds

“Glitter, I’m tired of looking like a pile of sadness and cat hairballs in all my media photos. I’m a government official, sigh. I can’t just glam them up with snazzy accessories. God knows I’ve tried! But the sideways glances I’m already getting from Sotomayor as it is… What can I do to dramatically improve my photos?”

“You’ve come to the right place Ginsy…Can I call you Ginsy?…Too informal?… Ok good, Ginsy it is.”

And thus this little masterpiece was begun in the wee hours of the morning as I subconsciously tried to piece together how to improve on sweet ole Ginsy’s photo prowess. It was my civic duty to take her from shabby to “dayum gurl where’d you get that lace neckerchief from??” I narrowed my advice down to three main areas. So grab your closest bible and I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth about my three easy tips to look your best in photos.

1. Personality is EVERYTHING in a photo

First and foremost, always let your personality shine through, whether it be through your eyes, your body language, or letting loose and just guffawing your way through a photo shoot. Nobody likes a one and done-er, not in the bedroom and definitely not in photos. Digital is amazing! It’s no longer like ye old days where you had to fork over cash for film, were limited to 24 photos and had to wait an eon for those little suckers to develop. Oh, no indeed. You can take 60 picture bursts at a time to hopefully grab that one picture that captures the essence of YOU. So go on have a little fun, be yourself, take some horrible photos for the chance of scoring that one epic shot. And when you find that one photo that showcases exactly how you feel inside, it’s quite possibly the best feeling in the world.

2. Pose your body to showcase your best ASSets

You put your right arm in, you put your right arm out…you know the drill! When it comes to showing your best self, maybe the Hokey Pokey IS what it’s all about. So take those body parts you feel uncomfortable with, whether it be your waist, chest, or arms, and push them ever so slightly away from the camera. Meanwhile, let’s accentuate the positive! Bring those body parts that you know will bring the heat towards the camera to feature them. Some features are hard to showcase this way, so if you have and amazing waist you want to flaunt, a careful hip pop and hands on your hips are great ways to further define those curves!

3. Seated pose? Lift dat booty!

Look, if you have to take a photo sitting down, this can often lead to what I like to refer to as the smooshed Tootsie Roll effect on your thighs. You know what I’m talking about; every kid has taken their delicious morsel of cylindrical chocolaty goodness and squished it down until it was flat. This is appealing as a candy but dangerous in photos. Nobody’s photo aspirations include showcasing their thighs in this pancake state. The only flapjacks a girl wants are on a plate. With butter. And Syrup. And some fresh Berries. Awe hell, throw in the cream. If you find yourself in this situation never fear! I’ve taken to using a yoga trick that has worked wonders in my seated positions. Grab the closest seat back pillow and ever so subtly slide it under your backside. This will force you to sit a little bit straighter, and at the same time prevent that Denny’s midnight special thigh look we would all want to avoid. It’s a win/win sitch!

Remember, white is one of the hardest colors to photograph in, especially on a plus sized gal like myself. However, I just followed the three simple steps listed above to make things work even in the most difficult of filming situations. So say a special thank you to Justice Ginsburg, for making this post possible. Also, Ginsy, can you please stop making guest appearances in my dream world? That precious time is best devoted to the likes of sexy, Glitter adoring man meat.