Everybody get your hands ready because we are about to drop an amazing rough of applause for @Mariiagiimena! Maria, is Torrid’s 2017 model search winner and the new face of the brand for this year. You can watch her amazing journey below and celebrate another woman kicking ass and making their dreams come true. Those are the types of stories we should celebrate more.
As Maria steps into her new role, I felt I should offer my expert model advice. I am obviously ver ver experienced from my 2-3 professional photo shoots and am obviously the best and only one fit to give her such critical advice. Maria, listen up. These words are going to be life changing.
Two Words: Leaf Blower. Make sure your hair stylist has a leaf blower and awkwardly crouches delicately underneath you at all times. AT ALL TIMES, MARIA! This is how Geo gets her perfect breeze blown coif and you can and will have it to.
Bring a big bag. Word to the wise. There is excellent candy in craft services and you’re going to want to take that ish home. Who doesn’t want to wake up to a purse filled to the brim with Swedish fish and snickers minis? No one. That’s basically the culmination of all my dreams coming true right there.
Announce to everyone that you are a model. Because now you are, Maria. You’re a cat walk killer… a powerful print princess… a bodacious billboard babe. You’re kind of a big deal. Maybe it will get you free cheesy fries. And we all know cheesy fries are worth any embarrassment blatant self-promotion might create.
Lean against things. One thing I observed while watching top models at my Torrid shoot is that they were always leaning on things. Cool people lean on things. Models are cool. Therefor you need to lean on things. It’s required. It’s your duty. See photo for a suggested lean to master.
Do You. Be yourself, have fun and most of all- go out and celebrate. You just killed the damn thing and that means screw the prosecco, you deserve that Champaign lifestyle.
Welcome to the Torrid family, Maria! I can’t wait to be surrounded by your smiling sassy face while spending all my money on pretty things. It will be like BOOM! Maria’s lounging in lingerie. BANG! Maria’s acting up in active wear. BLAMO! Maria’s keep it real in casuals. Dreams come true, Maria. Dreams come true.
So I have learned a magical thing. When it snows in Portland, it’s not just the schools that are cancelled. Offices shut down. Campuses close. The entire city comes to an eerie grinding halt. The white stuff really freaks people out.
Or does it? While taking these photos I definitely happened upon a woman running in cropped pants. CROPS. IN. THE. SNOW. That means bits of icy terror are splashing menace-fully against her leg as she runs. Portland is weird. This proves it.
Meanwhile, I am suffering. Because I was all like ” I’m so cool… I don’t need no coat. I’ll tough it out.” This is mostly because coats are bulky when packing and I hate having to lug more than I absolutely have to around the airport. But it turns out I was very wrong. I needed a coat. Heck, I needed a scarf, gloves, ninja warmth face mask, hand warmers, waterproofed moon boots, a portable heating pad, and maybe a sexy foreign lover to keep me warm.
Here I sit freezing cold in a world of snow. Regardless of how frigid I get, I will never turn down a good photo opp. Even if that means tackling mounds of snow, gross slush, and the harsh reality that I might lose my left arm to frostbite all for the sake of a good photo. And these photos are pretty darn rad. And thus I am content in my use of this snow day, because I look as cool today as Portland looks white.
So today I was like, New Years, what up? I should look at what’s kicking around in the sales section and maybe save me some monies. However, what I saw on those perfectly composed pages of HTML and color made me very confused. There were plenty of pieces on sale that I not only owned, but LOVED. And many of the items where my initially reaction had been all like “meh, I mean if I had to,” were sold out. I guess I truly am an oddball- even in my fashion choices.
You should really own this dress
However there was one dress- this dress – that I was literally angry it was not sold out. Because this dress is magical AF and every women should own it. I’d also like to start a petition, lobbyist conversations, and a dramatic sit-in that drives for the change the world needs…. this dress is several other colors, prints, and textures. This dress is a mythical unicorn of fashion and every lady should own it. Lets have a quick chat about why.
Magic dress powers explained
Before you begin to give me side eye and be all judgey- let me justify my extreme adoration for this dress. First and foremost, it’s comfortable, flattering and fits well. This will likely be true for most shapes, based on the cut of the dress. It’s universally flattering and blah blah blah. That’s the boring, expected perks of a well made dress. Now onto the exciting bits. You don’t have to wear a bra. Nope, you don’t. You can let those melons jiggle and enjoy the breeze that wafts nicely through that breathable fabric. Thanks top ruffle! I don’t have a bra on in this photo and magically flat chested me looks like I have boobalas and that they are lifted and separated by an over the shoulder boulder holder instead of their true situation- free balling in the Caribbean.
Merry Christmas/ Hanukkah/ Kwanza/ Festivus/ Winter Solstice/ Boxing DayHappy New Year Dear Friends, Family, People from the Internet, Social Media Fans and the Girl I Met at a Party Once
2016 sucked. I mean that in the nicest way possible, but seriously 2016 was one of those annoying years that nobody likes. The type of year where on the first day of school you think “Oh 2016 and I are going to be best friends! [insert a whimsical collection of friendship emojis]” However after only a few days of knowing her, 2016 and you are 100% absolutely never ever, ever going to be friends. Because in only a few short days she’s already managed to punch you in the face, steal your man, beat you in the science fair and spread a rumor that you have crabs. 2016 is the worst. We all started January with rosy cheeks and the sincerest hopes for a magical year of personal development, love, and change. Hahaha! We. Were. So. Naïve. However, as I face this new January I am protecting myself. I am eagerly researching dream insurance, mail order husbands, and modern designed climate controlled bunkers near Austin, Texas to ensure if 2017 tries to act a fool, I am fully prepared.
Because I refuse to end 2017, as I have ended this year tornado of a year: watching all three Bridget Jones movies by myself, crying over my evolution into a spinster who loves bingo and slot machines and drinking wine I was too lazy to pick up so I had it delivered to my house and pretended like it was for a party later that day. A party of one. Me. And my crumbles of a life left after it was ravished by that bitch, 2016.
But despite 2016 being a royal grossgusting poopy butt face, some amazing things still managed to happen. Let’s talk about those things, shall we?
January
This year, I found myself living in my sister’s apartment in January and desperately trying to avoid her complex’s office staff. See, looking for an apartment during the holiday season is not my jam. This left me to hide out until my new lease started in February, even though her complex was eager for me to put my name on the lease, give up my first born son, and tattoo a reminder to pay rent each month on my bicep. Hiding from the leasing staff is the closest I have ever felt to being a member of the mafia. Except I don’t own a gun or have a brother name Fredo. But I do love pasta, and would love to talk authoritatively with a white cloth napkin effortlessly tucked into the collar of my pressed velour leisure suit, while rocking vintage style aviators and the biggest gold watch you’ve ever seen. If crime was just about being comfortable and bossy, I pretty sure I would have Bonny minus the Clyde-ed my life away by now.
February
This month is the month of love, and I saw nothing short of love. Well, the unusual kind. A fan of my blog, Glitter and Lazers created an account solely dedicated to showcasing the drawings they had made of me. I was so loved- virtually. Back in the real world, I was still very single and attempted very unsuccessfully to create an affiliate network for dating- offering a cash bonus for dates that “converted” into something tangible. Aside from a sweet graph my friend Katie made to describe the process to potential “investors”, this didn’t take off. I was once again had only alcohol and punny attire to keep me warm on Valentine’s day.
March
March started off with a bang by meeting a Mya Rudolph look-a-like in a NYC night club, and joking with her while awkwardly dancing on her and screaming “I am dirty dancing with Mya, people. Mya Rudolph and I are going to star in the first lesbian dirty dancing sequel… let me show you our routine.” Come to find out, it was in fact Mya Rudolph and I am expecting a phone call any day about my brilliant film idea and our collaborative creative future. I didn’t do anything else of much consequence in March aside from wandering into Voodoo Donuts and offering them $20 to make the best designed donut they could for the sake of “science!” I never would have imagined I would receive and inappropriately shaped glazed donut delicately decorated with a unicorn doing yoga under a rainbow. And this stands as another testament that when you put your faith in people they will surprise you in the most amazing and delicious ways. Or maybe that’s just when you put your faith in donuts…
April
This month was a big ball of travel crazy. Early in the month I found myself again in India for work, this time visiting both Delhi and Bangalore. My hotel in India learned about my Instagram and I became “Miss Anna”. I was given the Royal treatment including a specially prepared meal of regional delicacies, regular check ins on how I was enjoying my stay and wine in my room each night. That stuff was lovely, but even better was the fact that the staff would gawk at my boss as if he should be carrying my bag, worshiping at my feet, and thanking me for allowing him to be in my presence. Luckily I have the best boss ever and he played along like a good sport, while I soaked up all the special attention.
April Part 2
A few short weeks later I took my first yoga/fitness vacation to Costa Rica with a girl who I knew for only about 2 weeks prior and I now consider a best friend. I learned I am absolutely fantastic at falling off a surf board, enjoy being woken up by howler monkeys and that I can be happy anywhere in the world as long as there is a juice bar nearby. I have always loved visiting Costa Rica and this trip was no exception, our accommodations, Bodhi Tree, situated literally in between the middle of nowhere and heart of the rainforest, offered the most tranquil recharge time I’ve ever experienced. Plus, it should not go unmentioned that the resort allowed me to change my name on the reservation to “sexy beast.” Forcing staff member to awkwardly yell out “sexy beast” anytime they needed to get in touch with me.
May
I cut my hair short. I liked it, but let’s be real here. No matter how cute a short hair cut is, it will never be as good as being able to put your hair into ponytail. Ponytail power is a very real thing and in May my hair was powerless and at the will of the tortuous elements due to its punchy new length. Most of this month was spent with white blonde hair caked to my forehead and a birds constructing a new home in the wisps surrounding the crown of my head.
June- July
In June I got the extreme opportunity to model for Torrid’s fall denim campaign with several other amazing curvy ladies and Adrienne Moore from Orange is the New Black. This photo shoot was ver ver fanc and led me to seriously consider hiring a man with a mini leaf blower to follow me everywhere I go. That way I could have that perfect “wind in my hair” look no matter who was snapping the picture. Sure it might be weird to have a man stooped below me at all times, but I’m a very adaptable person. I could make it work for the sake of glamor. I was super grateful to meet the amazing team at Torrid and got to see my photo up in over 400 stores nationwide in late July.
August
I found myself attending my first plus size fashion focused conference in August. It helped me realize what an impact I had in many girls’ lives, and what an opportunity I had to continue to shape a drive perception of what women are capable of. During my trip to Atlanta I also shot a feature for FabuPlus Magazine showing plus women how to rock it out on every day gym equipment. The goal of the article was to help curb the fear a curvy girl might have working out in a traditional gym setting for the first time. As fitness is such an important part of my life, I loved being able to help other ladies find the courage and confidence to start their fitness journey.
September
I found myself once again behind the camera in, this time shooting for Eloquii’s new pear-shaped fit, called Viola. I had tons of fun modeling several looks for the brand and helping drive awareness of the need in the market place for cuts that fit big booty [edited] perfectly. It was booty booty rocking everywhere with a touch of glam.
October
This month I achieved two of my all-time life goals- to be an integral part of a charity event and the be featured in Forbes. As the MC of the Health Empowered Beauty Fashion Show, I was able to raise awareness and critical funding for Susan’s Place shelter. In an unusual twist of fashion week norms, this show featured only models who were also residents of Susan’s Place shelter in the Bronx. The make overs they received gave these women new confidence and added self-worth before moving onto to their first home. I was grateful for this opportunity that allowed me to apply my love for fashion and style to a worthy cause. The Forbes story, is less impressive. Ironically a rant video I made on YouTube, was referenced as an analyst took a skeptical look at the Lula Roe business model. But hey, I’ll take what I can get. Achievements unlocked.
November
I call this the month of internet friends turned real ones. I finally got to meet Mellie, an internet best friend, in real life in November in NYC. We basically painted the town red wearing ridiculous fur coats, drinking all of the drinks, and sashaying our way onto the dance floor like we owned it. It’s crazy as weird as the internet has made us, you can still meet kindred spirits online. I also found myself becoming closer with several girls I’d met online through the Austin blogging scene. They’ve become my makeshift friend family here in Austin and couldn’t be happier.
December
The last month of the year has been tough for me. I tried a lot of new things- including using my shaky hands to try and decorate cookies. I have learned I am much better and purchasing than making festive things. People like me exist so that others can turn a profit from their craft. The month seemed like it was going to be a jewel. However, during my vacation to Jamaica, things turned dangerous and ended up with me being in the wrong place at the wrong time and witnessing something pretty traumatic. As a result, I’ve put most of my social media on hold as I work through reframing my life and healing. I swore I was going to miss the worst of 2016’s wrath, but dangit the year got me in the end.
Well, that’s how 2016 went down in the land of sparkles, unicorns, empty wine bottles and adorable pups who convince you they do need that piece of sausage you’re eating to survive.
Happy new year and I can’t wait to see you all in 2017 where we’ll all pretend for a few months…. weeks…. days that we’ve cut out the booze, are only eating organic, and plan to always take the stairs. Call me when you need a friend to drink wine on an elevator while eating Cheetos. I’m your girl.
Ps. I will be coming back online eventually, but I’m still processing. Little by little I’ll be opening back up my world to you; please be patient with me!
Sometimes we simple isn’t boring, it’s special. Take for example this pink bodycon dress. It’s pretty ordinary. The cut is standard. However, in the right color with the right necklace this “simple” dress is extraordinary. It’s more than just a party dress, it’s a party statement.
Outfit Details
This shimmery spectacle of a dress is from JC Penney’s Boutique+ line. The shoes are from the wide width shoe powerhouse, Torrid. The necklace was a handmade gift from a former mentor of mine. I’ve found this alternative necklace and I hope you’ll agree that it’s every bit just as special. With just 3 items, I’ve created one killer outfit. Even better, with all these Christmas sales, you can snag the entire look today for under $100.
Everybody get your hands ready because we are about to drop an amazing rough of applause for @Mariiagiimena! Maria, is Torrid’s 2017 model search winner and the new face of the brand for this year. You can watch her amazing journey below and celebrate another woman kicking ass and making their dreams come true. Those are the types of stories we should celebrate more.
Snowy day lady bad ass realness. A rebellious 
The 
(which are surprisingly light weight) and the 
Sometimes we simple isn’t boring, it’s special. Take for example this pink bodycon dress. It’s pretty ordinary. The cut is standard. However, in the right color with the right necklace this “simple” dress is extraordinary. It’s more than just a party dress, it’s a party statement.
